How to Dehumanize Your Husband

A must-read post for Christian marriages! Honest and insightful post revealing the eye-opening truth regarding what the Bible says about marriage. (Ephesians 4:32) | Satisfaction Through Christ

I had looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find it. And I was starting to panic.

We were running late (because, let’s face it, that’s life with six kids), and I had to have it.

Exasperated, I growled at my husband.

Even though he may not have even been around.

Okay, so he nowhere near. Not in the house. Or in the yard. Or even in the neighborhood.

He was at work, plowing away (at a desk, lest you mistake me for a farmer’s wife) to provide for his family. But I just knew my dilemma was all his fault, with his I-don’t-know-what-this-pile-is-but-I’m-tired-of-looking-at-the-mess-so-I’ll-just-trash-it habits.

I fired off an angry text. I don’t remember what it said, but it was probably something like, “I cannot stand it when you throw my stuff away. Just because something’s not important to YOU doesn’t mean it’s NOT IMPORTANT!”

(I know this because I may have said something like this before…once or twice. Ahem.)

Am I the only one who sometimes doesn’t give my husband the benefit of the doubt? Who can tend to assume the worst about the man to whom I’ve pledged my love and faithfulness? Who at times treats my God-given partner worse than I treat anyone else I know?

Hey, who am I kidding? I can treat him worse than complete strangers!

Friends, this ought not be so.

Yet I’m ashamed to say that there are times when I treat my husband worse than anyone else on the planet (including my dog).

I don’t know if you’re like me, but I’m wondering…

how does this happen?

There are probably as many answers as there are married couples in the world, but I have some ideas about my own reasons:

Because I feel like it. I know it makes me sound like a preschooler, but it’s true. And I kind of think many of us operate based on our feelings way more than we recognize. The truth is, in the heat of those irritated, overwhelmed, fed-up feelings, it feels good to blame someone else. Even when they don’t deserve it.

Because I’m caught up in my own rights. This is another way of saying I’m selfish. Too often, my thoughts are centered around my needs, my desires, my schedule, and my agenda. With my mind wrapped so tightly around myself, I can start to assume my husband should place me at the center of his thoughts, too. Not only is that unfair; it’s sinful.

Because I’m using the wrong standard. In this “information age” in which we find ourselves, we’ve never been more aware of what other people are thinking, feeling, and doing. And I’m starting to see that this normalizes bad behavior. The marriage models we see on TV, Facebook, the news media, movies, and Pinterest present the normal marriage. And when my own experience matches the “normal” I see portrayed virtually everywhere, I don’t have much reason to feel too bad about it.

But here’s the thing…since when were Christ-followers like you and me called to “normal”? We were called to extraordinary. We were called to impossible! We were called to lives and relationships that are so radical, the only possible explanation is God.

A must-read post for Christian marriages! Honest and insightful post revealing the eye-opening truth regarding what the Bible says about marriage. (Ephesians 4:32) http://wp.me/p4FiCn-11L

So how do we develop an extraordinary marriage that is living proof of an extraordinary God?

Let’s dig a little deeper than the obvious (but important) “husbands love/wives submit” commands in the Bible. God’s Word gives us lots of guidance about how to treat people. I think we just need to start remembering that our husbands are people. A good place to start is with the “one another” commands in the Bible. Here are a few:

Prefer one another. (Romans 12:10)

Submit to one another. (Ephesians 5:21)

Be kind to one another. (Ephesians 4:32)

Bear with one another. (Colossians 3:13)

Encourage one another and build each other up. (I Thessalonians 5:11)

Forgive one another. (Ephesians 4:32)

Don’t complain against one another. (James 4:11)

Seek good for one another. (I Thessalonians 5:15)

Serve one another. (Galatians 5:13)

Think of one another as better than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)

How much better would our marriages be if we began implementing even a few of these? If we stopped viewing these commands as applicable solely to our fellow church members, neighbors, and coworkers, and started seeing how they apply to our husbands?

And what if we stopped putting conditions on our obedience?

Even when we don’t feel like it.

Even when it’s hard.

Even when it seems no one else is living this way.

Because a Christ-following life is an obedient life. And an obedient life is one of stewardship. Marriage is a relationship entrusted by God for a purpose. This sacred trust must be tended carefully and guarded fiercely — whether those enemies attack from withoutor from within.

May God grant us the grace to be faithful stewards of our marriages, that He might receive glory through them!

Jennifer Optimized Signature

 

Curious about the rest of the “one another” commands in the Bible? Check out this excellent resource which lists all of them in an easy-to-read graphic!

The following two tabs change content below.
Loving child of Almighty God, adoring wife, and homeschooling mother of three, I am active in teaching and music ministries in my local church. I am passionate about encountering my Savior and about encouraging other women to do the same. It would be an honor to have you visit me at A Divine Encounter!

Latest posts by Jennifer (see all)

Comments

  1. Becky says

    Can I add a “because” to the end of your article? Because our kids are watching, and they do what they see us doing. Thank you for this article. It was very timely in my life. May your marriage be blessed!

    • says

      I’m glad this post encouraged you, Becky! I agree with your “because.” The integrity of our example before our children is a critical aspect of how spouses should treat each other. Thanks for taking the time to share!

  2. Paula says

    Really good article..to be remembered, as it’s so easy to slip into complacency and take your
    spouse for granted. Thank you…I needed this!!!

    • says

      Hi, Paula! I’m glad you were blessed by this. You’re right — I need this reminder every day! May our marriages point to our extraordinary God!

  3. says

    Very well said. My mom was a great example to my sisters and I of always holding her husband up. I try to do the same with my children. He’s a great man – but, of course, not perfect, but then neither am I. 🙂

    • says

      Yes, it’s always good to remember our own faults, isn’t it? Doing so allows us to grant grace more lavishly, when we recall how often we need it ourselves. Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer!

  4. Kalley C says

    Really great article. I too have been guilty by not giving my hubby the benefit of the doubt, but I’m so happy that I’ve learned that patience is the best way to deal with one another. Especially when we have a difference of opinion. It’s great to show the children how we can sort out our differences–even the very minor ones.

    • says

      You’re so right, Kalley! If we can practice good “discussion” habits in the more frequent small matters, we’ll be in better shape for those habits to be our default when the (hopefully) less common bigger issues arise. Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective!

  5. says

    Very true. I’ve found sometimes that it’s almost considered the cool thing to do to join in “husband bashing” when out with a group of women. The best witness, I’ve found, is to stay silent when the collective grumbling begins. Oftentimes that’s enough for the women I’m with to all of a sudden realize I’ve been silent and ask me, “Don’t you and your husband ever fight?” Then it’s an opportunity to say yes, we do sometimes, but to also share the grace in our marriage that has helped us through. Thank you for your honesty in this post! It is an encouragement to me!

  6. says

    Once again, I read something you’ve written and wonder if you’re in my head. This is so me. I am ashamed at how I treat my husband and would be livid if my daughters-in-law treated my boys the way I treat him.
    Thank you for this. I’ll be sharing and keeping it in my favorites.
    God bless!

    • says

      It’s a true blessing to know that my words have struck a chord in your heart, and that God is using them in your life. There’s no greater joy for a Christ-following writer! Now that we’re learning the truth, may He grant us the grace to obey! Thank you for taking the time to share it with others who might be blessed, as well.

  7. says

    Thank you so much for this. Just this weekend I came to realize how badly I treat my husband sometimes. All too often, I’ll smart off to him, disrespect him, and treat him worse than I’ve ever treated anyone else. Why on earth would I do that?! It sickens me. Thank you for those verses. I’ve started praying for help in this area, and those verses will help guide me back to where I should be.

    • says

      Hi, Chelsea! I’m grateful for a God who loves us enough to give us such clear guidance in His Word, for the conviction His Spirit whispers when we fall short, and for the grace He lavishes as we rise again. Thank you for the reminder that prayer is a key aspect of God changing our hearts!

      • Kristin says

        What about the husband who constantly is drunk passed out on the couch, when he is up says mean , terrifying things, hurts his wife , dog , causes his children to hate him, will drink his vodka, but let his family go without food, gas , is totally not there for his family, blames his wife and children for everything reason he drinks etc…..I have prayed for him andso have others , I have forgiven ffor a lot and more……

        • says

          Oh, Kristin, my heart goes out to you. I’m so very sorry you’re experiencing a marriage that is a trial instead of the blessing God intends it to be. I urge you to seek counsel about your particular situation as soon as possible; it sounds like you would benefit from the wisdom of someone who is familiar with domestic abuse.

          I will tell you that in some situations, a time of separation is helpful. This separation can help ensure the safety of those being abused and also sends a strong message to the abuser that his behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Additionally, it provides an opportunity for extended family members and friends to be alerted to the situation, allowing them to offer support to the abused and accountability for the abuser.

          I just took some time to pray for you and your family, and I encourage you to continue in prayer, too. I asked God to give you wisdom and discernment about how He wants you to handle this really hard situation. I asked Him to protect you and your children, and to point you toward the support that you need. I also asked that He would get your husband’s attention, revealing to him the damage he is doing to people who love him and showing him how far he’s falling short of God’s standard.

          Thank you for reaching out to me and for sharing so honestly from your heart. You can email me at Jennifer@adivineencounter.com if you’d like to share further. Until then, I’m claiming in prayer for you that “with God, all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).

  8. Michelle says

    What I love most is your picture saying that our marriages are supposed to point others to Christ. Great reminder! Thanks for this post today!

    • says

      Thanks, Michelle! It helps me tremendously to remember that marriage is a sacred gift, entrusted for a sacred purpose, and I’m responsible for stewarding it carefully. I appreciate your encouragement!

  9. normaleverydaylifeblog says

    Did you end up finding what you were looking for? That’s what usually happens to me just after I blame someone else. 🙂 Treating my husband as least as well as I would treat a friend seems so obvious, but it’s harder to put into practice. Thanks for the reminders and encouragement! #turnituptuesday

    • says

      🙂 I love your question — I wondered if anyone would ask! Yes, I did find it…tucked away right where I put it, in a “safe place.” 🙂 Thank you for reading!

  10. says

    Hi Jennifer- This is my first time here. I loved this post as I am very passionate about marriage! It was a really really good post!!! I found your blog on the link up and have just followed you!!
    xoShannon

  11. says

    I love this! I relate so well with the shooting off an angry text in the heat of the moment. I always feel terrible later. Thank you for the pointers on being a better wife!

  12. says

    Oh how I needed this today. My sweet husband is gentle and kind, but my youngest is graduating and moving out and suddenly the reality of the empty nest is awful feeling. Crushing. And I’ve taken it out on him without meaning to, too often

    • says

      I can identify with that, Christa. I find myself taking out frustration on my husband at times, too. We must be so vigilant, especially during times of stress. Thank you for taking the time to share here!

We're eager to hear your thoughts! --Let's chat--